Episode 1: Friend Grief and Death Doulas
About the episode:
About today’s guest, Anna Zeisel: Anna is a local INELDA trained Death Doula and Yoga Instructor working towards her Mdiv to become an interfaith chaplain.
How do you navigate grieving the death of a friend without stepping on anyone’s toes? That’s what Anna and I discuss in this very first episode of Friends Missing Friends, including:
The experience of losing a friend while in college
How to integrate the death of a friend into the story of our life
How we have the desire to know what we meant to the friend who passed, in order for us to know how to grieve
How our grief seeped into our dreams
How hard it is to avoid the urge to fix people’s grief
Death Doula work
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Listen on Spotify
Quotes:
"I think I had a little bit I noticed a little bit of apprehension, for me in thinking about this conversation. And I think that it relates to the uniqueness of friend grief, but sort of this worry about talking about somebody else's story, and it not being sort of your story to tell." – Anna
"I had trouble differentiating talking about my side of the story, and like infringing on my friend’s side of the story. And I just stayed quiet, and like I was like, okay if I'm just invisible, then it's okay, then I'm not doing anything wrong." – Hannah
"What I really struggled with was the ways that our relationship had changed and my feelings towards them had changed in the last, you know, month or so of his life." – Anna
"Grieving is having love that has nowhere to go, or it feels like it has nowhere to go. And love feels most full when it's being reciprocated, or when you're able to have a back and forth with someone that you love." – Hannah
"Ritual like marks our movement from one time to another time right, like holidays mark our time from, you know, this time of year moving into the next time of year, like it signifies time moving, it signifies a big change." – Anna
"It's funny, I feel much more comfortable talking about grieving my dad because I don't feel like I'm stepping on anyone's toes. It feels like something that I own. But I don't necessarily feel that way about my friend." – Anna
"We should also be able to express the depth of our grief, because grief doesn't cancel out grief. It's not a competition; it’s not like if I grieve, it’s taking anything away from other people." – Hannah
"People are really uncomfortable with grief, because we're uncomfortable with death... We don’t know how to be around people who are sad because it makes us feel closer to death." – Anna
Additional resources:
We mention Megan Devine and her grief community, Refuge in Grief. Visit her website here: https://refugeingrief.com/
Learn more about Megan Devine's book IT’S OK THAT YOU’RE NOT OK, here: https://refugeingrief.com/book/
Learn more about Death Doulas and find one in your area through INELDA’s website here: https://inelda.org/find-a-doula/